Come out come out wherever you are!

   

Feeding the ducks in Stadpark, Vienna

      I’m playing peek-a-boo with myself and hide and seek with the rest of the world. Now you see me, now you don’t. Since I left Calgary 8 months ago my life has ricocheted between structure and spontaneity more than you could imagine. I should have known not to get too comfortable...for six months I found security working as a kindermädchen for three beautiful children. Wolf and I were pulling our lives together and I had fully integrated into the Viennese climbing community. I was finally feeling at home. Then boom! The bomb exploded. Austria declared war on the pleasant life I had created and despite my every attempt to find a loophole or buy myself some more time.... I had to retreat.

     But if you know me... you know that I always have a backup plan. So alas, with my working contract still pending approval by the local aliens office in Munich, I have time to kill. As I sift through flight dates and question whether or not I belong anywhere at the moment...I find solace here. Inside my little game of hide and seek...and I’m not sure I’m coming out until I’ve found what I’m looking for...

     I love that song “Home is wherever I’m with you”. It speaks to me on such a personal level, because the more I live my life, the more I realize that home isn’t a house or a city, it’s a concept. Especially when you are a foreigner. Home becomes the place where you try to get your S*** together and right now my ‘home’ is in ruins. This little club called ‘residency’ gave me the boot and though I’m happy to turn over a new leaf in Munich, the transition seems impossible at the moment. So going ‘home’ means facing some things that are beyond my control. Things that, if gone awry, I am not quite ready to handle in my hypersensitive state of mind. No papers = no work, no purpose, no future and worst of all...no Wolf.

So that’s part of the reason that I’m here... tackling smaller and more manageable tasks. Getting my S**** together on the tiny Greek island of Kalymnos and knocking through some barriers and brick walls that are more fictional than factual, contrary to the constrains of the Austrian government....That’s right, I’m talking about climbing ;) 

My coach, my student, my partner in crushing! 

     It might seem silly to you, who is reading this. But for me, climbing is the one area in my life that I have control over right now. It’s my only way to crawl out from this world that seems to be falling around me. At least with climbing, I’m the one who is responsible for failing. Unlike Vienna, where all my ambitions, offers and attempts were extinguished by some stupid bureaucratic decisions. They squashed me like I smoosh those pesky mosquitoes every night before bed. So right now my climbing is raw. It is black and white without any blurred lines or borders. It’s real and it is honest. I’m treating every route like an emotional punching bag... an outlet of all my anger, frustrations and unease. It’s a very productive form of therapy actually and I am learning so much about pushing myself. Some of the walls I’ve been pushing against have shattered. Other’s still exist but they are invisible and I can walk through them if I choose to. This makes me wonder whether these barriers and brick walls really exist or if they are simply artificial mental constructs. Here’s what I’ve discovered. I’m capable of doing anything I want. 

     Yeah I’m scared! Correction, I am terrified. I skipped the last clip, I’m chicken winging with jackhammer leg threatening to launch me backwards into 10 meters of air time. I knew I would be scared when I got there. But I went up there anyways...besides there was no time and no possibility to clip with the exploding pressure welling in my forearms. So when I got there... I just had to flat out deal with it. Fear. The most impenetrable barrier in my climbing to date.  

     Digging my nails into two sharp crimps, not strong enough to rock over to the finish slot and too stubborn and scared to fall... I start battling with the clip by my ankles. Praying it will go in. 3 times, I fumble the clip and desperately cling back to the wall. I don’t want to die today. (You have to understand that I literally think I am going to die every time I could take a potential whipper). Then I said a bad word. Actually I screamed it so loud that all my fear echoed throughout the entire island. In all seriousness, I wonder if anxiety induced tourette's syndrome is a thing? Cuz' I definitely have it.   

     

All smiles, Jelisa Dunbar

In the midst of my struggle, I heard people laughing at my shrieks. Now that I think about it, it was probably hysterical to watch. I wasn’t fighting for a move or anything, I was just stuck in stale mate before the chains screaming like a mental patient. Like I might die. I’m not sure I’ve ever fought this hard for something in my life. 

     4th time the clip went in and I, by some miracle, completed the rock over to the slot... still screaming out in horror. When I said take it was like I was on drugs. I don’t think I managed my fear effectively but the point is I faced it and looked it straight in the eyes and then climbed on top of its head. It was the most lifting and freeing feeling. I still wasn’t in control of my fear but for once we were co-existing together instead of it eating me alive. Squashing me like a bug.  

     So it turns out that my biggest hurdle is one of my biggest motivators. Think about it! What if you could turn your hurdles around and feed off them too!? Maybe the barriers that hold you back are invisible? You can choose to walk through them and sit on the other side if you’re willing to get your feet wet. It’s new territory, but it is real. It is honesty. It is black and white. 

So enough hiding...
Come out come out wherever you are! 

Thanks for reading! If you like what you see  #followme on my Facebook page!

Jelisa Dunbar

or instagram  JellyDZ

Big Thanks to the Best of Sponsors:
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Evolv
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Flashed

Headspace: How to do the don't's

     I want to talk more about confidence. The physchophysiological differences that I have noticed in my climbing when I truly ‘believe’ in myself... it’s funny, because I’ve always been told by my coaches not to do these things... yet for the first time I’m understanding how to not do these things. I don’t necessarily avoid these things by focusing on executing the opposite action, but it simply happens when I attain the right headspace and everything falls into place. When I am confident and when I believe in my capabilities, I can step onto a route and without a doubt in my mind, know that I can send it...right here and now.  So what are these things that you shouldn’t do? Read on my friends, they are listed at the end!

     It was an interesting competition I’d say... I walked into the Edelweiß center about 4 hours late. The front desk staff was organizing score cards, children were running around in the hof and the buffet table had been plucked of it’s finest offerings. A results list hung on the wall beside the staircase. Most of the winners had already been awarded their prizes and gone for some time. But silly foreign me...I  was just arriving.

     You have to know that misinterpreting information on this side of the world sets me off more than most things. I’m sure that, if in Canada, I had misjudged the start time of a competition or mixed up the dates of some event, I’d be frustrated of course...but I wouldn’t let the mistake consume me. Here... I’ve been conditioned to associate all of my mistakes and misunderstandings as part of this wrath that plagues foreigners. The constant states of confusion... the broken instructions without opportunity for questions, the friendly jokes that can’t possibly be funny after the amount of time it takes to translate, analyze and comprehend them. So things like this.... like missing a competition.....really....set....me...off. I had to fight back tears. 

    

TDB Finals, Calgary Climbing Center. Photo: Ben Haley

I had won this same competition last year. First place had granted me one years membership to the Edelweiß Center, which hosts the best 45 degree wall in Vienna and a weights room equipped to the nines. In my current financial situation, facing deportation while I officially ‘tour’ Austria, (since the expiration of my work permit in September) I was sort of depending on winning this competition to facilitate my training. It aint always easy as a struggling international competitor! 

Competitions are one of the few things I can do here to blend in. After the technical meeting in gibberish, I can just climb. I can shrug off everything that weighs be down and literally climb out of my sorrows. weightless and free. I am in control over which problems I try and how I choose to use my attempts. I can understand the language of movement fluently instead of grasping at the threads of this german dialect that everyone keeps jabbering. I don’t know how to explain it really... other than competitions are my happy place. My sanctuary. And I had just missed one.

Correction: I had COMPLETELY missed it. 

So these were my choices:

1. Turn around, go home, get hammered and hate myself

2. Strength train as planned in my training schedule

3. ..... Compete? 

     Compete eh... I thought to myself for some time, standing like a scarecrow in the lobby. “Kann ich bitte eine Karte haben?” ( Can I please a card have?)  I say to the front desk staff. 

A man gives me this strange look as he tells me that the competition has finished. ( When you don’t speak the language, you get really good at ‘assuming’ people say things depending on the context or situation.... I’ve discovered that when I try to anticipate someones response.. I can pick out words from their actual response that either confirm or contradict what I have predicted.).

     “Ja, Ich weiss, aber ich möchte trotzdem meine bouldern zu recorderen bitte” ( Yeah, I know, but I would like despite the fact my boulders to record please)

Another strange look was shot my way, but this time with a scorecard and a pen. 

I sauntered downstairs and slowly changed into my climbing gear. Soon I stood alone .In an empty gym with rubber smeared boulder problems that had already been crushed. I tried to muster up the ‘try hard’ motivation that only a competition can foster. It didn’t really work at first, I was still very upset about how the entire day had commenced. The worst part is that from noon till 4, I was in my bed relaxing watching episodes of Seinfeld and playing guitar... missing everything. I couldn’t stop beating myself up about this!

Flashed: MOVE WITH CONFIDENCE

     I pouted for a bit while I warmed up on problems 1 - 10. Then it occurred to me that instead of being a cry baby about this whole situation and feeling sorry for myself, I could actually use this to my advantage. I was in one of the worst possible mental states I have ever been in. period. What better time to practice headspace than now?  Since I couldn’t battle fellow #girlswhocrush, I decided to face my real competition... my demons! Those pesky voices of self doubt that chatter in my head on every testing move. The part of me that deems a problem ‘too hard‘ before I even put forth my best effort... the demons.... Well, here are the results from the competition:

Jelisa 1, Demons 0

     In my previous blog post I talked a lot about my beef with self confidence and why confidence is so crucial to success in the sport of climbing... or in any sport for that matter. I’d like to share the differences that I noticed in my climbing on the attempts where I mastered a cool and confident headspace. Of course I didn’t succeed on every attempt...but I’m still toying around with this whole psychology thing! 

Alas! Here are the things that your coach tells you not to do. Confidence is the key in avoiding such hindrances:

The Hive, 2014 TDB Finals

1)Don’t hesitate: 

Hesitating on committing or complex moves is a very common problem for many climbers. Personally, hesitation is my kryptonite. You’ve probably seen me on dynos pumping 10 times before blast off. Hesitation wastes time and energy all the while feeding self doubt. Sometimes, even when you practice a move over and over again and continually stick it, you can still worry about it! Say if that move is the crux move in the middle of your project! There are so many scenarios where hesitation weasels it’s way into our movement... it’s important to stomp it out before it escalates! I’ve found, that I can avoid hesitation completely when I a) trust in my sequence, and b) expect that  I am able to execute my sequence

2)Don’t give up: 

When you are going for it and I mean really going for it...you don’t go anywhere but up. Even if you fall. You are going to fall upwards so long as you are putting forth your best effort. If you are truly confident in your abilities as a climber and not only believe that you will top a route/boulder problem, but expect yourself to top it. Up is the only direction. It’s the only possibility. Unless it’s a traverse ;)

One thing I noticed on the attempts that I was giving it my all was how genuinely surprised I was when I fell. Not once did I ever anticipate that I might fall. Out of no where I would just blow off the line and land on my ass without warning. It was shocking... and it made me realize how much more often I should be experiencing this feeling.

3)Don’t over think it!

This is about attaining a state of flow. When your mind is quiet and you can trust in your body to take over. Once I have my sequence dialed I can sometimes get into this headspace... where I know what I am doing but I don’t have to think about it. I focus on my breathing and I feel like I am floating. Not really sure how to tap into this one yet, but it’s possibly a product of #1 & 2

Me so selfie.


Thanks for reading! If you like what you hear  #followme on my Facebook page!
Jelisa Dunbar

or instagram  JellyDZ

Big Thanks to the Best of Sponsors:
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Evolv
Glow Health
Flashed

Flashed: Move With Confidence

     

"Morgenlatte 7b" Magic Wood, Photo: Wolfgang Kendler

I’ve never thought of myself as a winner. Truth be told, I’m nervous every time I publish a blog post because I question my credibility. I view myself as a middle of the pack climber. Yes, I have years of experience and valuable stories and tips that I love to share, but not necessarily the name or the tick list to back my content. I’ve never been overly successful at climbing... but at the same time I’ve never really been unsuccessful at it either. 

     When I walk into climbing gyms here in Vienna I immediately scope out the strong women like a moth to the flame. They aren’t very hard to pick out... just look for a cluster of drooling guys and soon, a #girlwhocrushes will emerge from the drooling pack and ascend into the spotlight. Yeah, I hashtagged that $***.  It’s pretty cheesy but I really enjoy looking through pictures of #girlswhocrush...yet somehow I’m embarrassed to use that hashtag on myself!

     Usually, when I see a #girlwhocrushes pull on a hard problem, I can feel the pressure well up inside of me. My competitive spirit persuades me to try the problem (usually while she isn’t looking) and somehow, I place expectations on myself based on how she has performed. It's like I immediately assume that she is a) a better climber than me, and that b)the problem was effortless for her. Half the time I don’t even know who she is and what she is capable of! The worst part is.... her success/failure on that problem will actually make me climb physically differently than I would normally.

ARE YOU HEARING ME? If you don’t think I sound like a maniac.... boy you’ve got issues too!

   

Miriam Frauenlob, Kalymnos Photo cred: Unknown

 4 weeks ago, following the Munich World Champs I competed in a local scramble format competition; 25 boulders, objective- top them all. 15 year old Miriam Frauenlob, who reminds me so much of Eva Thompson, set the bar high. [Fun fact - these two girls became pen-pals after attending last year’s Youth Worlds in Victoria. Small world!!]  Miriam is actually a sports climber, my understanding is that she competes in boulder competitions for fun. Her easy going attitude is refreshing and she is always happy to share her beta with you and cheer you up the wall! But more to the point.... she (like Eva) c-r-u-s-h-e-s.

     I kept a close watch on Miriam so I knew which boulders I would have to complete. Our approach to the competition was so incredibly different, but it pointed out one of my major flaws as a competitor. Miriam lead the pack and I chased her. Finally, with only half an hour and 3 ridiculous boulder problems remaining in the competition, our scores were tied. We both turned our attention to this slabby looking boulder with a gigantic deadpoint/dyno to the finish hold. I had watched some strong male competitors flail repetitively on this move, so I wrote the problem off as too hard. I hadn’t even tried it...

Miriam at Boulderbar   Photo: Christoph 

Jelisa at BoulderBar   Photo: Christoph

     I was ready to pack up and hand in my scorecard when out of the corner of my eye, I see little Miriam flash the gosh darn thing!! Nervously, I slipped my shoes back on... It only took me two tries to send it and it actually wasn’t so hard at all!

But the point is I never would have tried it if she hadn’t tried it first. I never would have set the bar high unless she had. 

Would I have believed in my own capabilities as a climber unless she was there to challenge them? Sadly, My answer is no....

I lack serious confidence in my abilities as a climber. 

     I read somewhere that self-confidence thrives when your abilities align with your self image and self expectations... So something is obviously out of whack here. I have extremely high expectations of myself while simultaneously believing they are impossible to reach (due to poor self image/lack of confidence). That is ridiculous...... 

     

A chipper Chris Neve as always!

I had a skype call with Chris Neve not too long ago (fantastic mental coach by the way... I’ve made an effort to squeeze every bit of knowledge out of him long after aging out of my youth career). The most prominent piece of advice he gave me was ‘start thinking of yourself as an athlete’. “ Believe in it, act like it, own it, write it on a sign in the bathroom... plaster it on your freaking forehead for all I care! Just start believing in it!” he exclaimed.

     It’s been about a month since that call and I still haven’t started acting like an athlete. There has been some progress but It is really hard to change your self image! Especially when you’ve cocooned yourself in mediocracy for the better part of your life. I was never a confident kid to begin with... the best I would ever do at competitions was second place. If Vikki Weldon wasn’t taking home the gold, then it was Noella Nykyforuk or some other burly Edge kid! I got so used to being runner up that I lowered my expectations and became comfortable in my shoes. I was doing okay... I still had something to be proud of. 

     Now that I’m older, I have to ask myself why I didn’t fight to be better. I don’t think it was because I was lazy or because I didn’t want it... it was because I actually did not believe I could do better. It didn’t even register to me that I could have tried to beat Vikki. So I didn't...

     Coaches always say that climbing is 90% mental. Yet I’ve continued to ignore mental training as a serious part of my routine. That is going to change..... time to teach this old dog new tricks ;)

Turn’s out Flashed had it right all along....

MOVE WITH CONFIDENCE

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Evolv

Flashed

Calgary Climbing Center

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xo

I Guess You Could Call it a Post-season Reflection...

     

First place at 11&Under Youth Nationals

As a junior competitor, I was told that I should not let one competition and it’s results ‘define me’ as a climber. We all have good days and bad days...not every competition is going to go your way. For a long time this mentality worked for me. It kept me coming back to compete in events even after I had dropped the ball. It forced me to keep registering in the ‘open’ category of Tour de Bloc’s as a fourteen year old athlete.There were shiny days and $#!77y days. 

     So, when I started coaching development and competitive teams, I would tell my athletes, “don’t let one competition define you as a climber.” I encouraged them to attend nerve wracking competitions out of their comfort zone with the following logic: “ All you can do is your best. You might have an amazing day and you might climb horribly. You and I both know what you are capable of as a climber and that is what truly matters. Don’t look at the results, just do your best and enjoy the experience.” This spiel probably sounds pretty familiar to you if you have been coached by me. It’s because it worked. For many juniors and adult competitors it took a bit of the pressure off and they climbed relatively well and enjoyed themselves.  

Women's 3, Munich: Photo Wolfgang Kendler

     But now I am all grown up. I am sitting in the Mecca of competition climbing staring repulsively at my results from this past world cup season. I’m not necessarily talking about results in terms of where I placed, but moreover the scribbles on my scorecard. A bonus in 5 when it should have been a flash.The results that are the direct reflection of either a winning performance or a losing performance. 

     Now, all of a sudden, results do matter and they do, on a very large scale, define & reflect my skills as a climber. This is because I’ve grown to define myself as a competition climber... why the hell would I be training and competing in Europe otherwise!? What I want more than anything is to be something on an international scale.... to scrounge one measly point from the IFSC rankings. I’m not sure what they are yet, but some drastic changes must be made in my current training regimes. I was ill-prepared the entire season largely because I didn’t understand the style of world cup bouldering. 

Women's 5, Munich: Photo Wolfgang Kendler

     I’m positive that there are some Canadian juniors that will one day step up to the plate and fill my shoes as an international competitor. Kids like Becca Frangos and Eva Thompson have been throwing down and kicking my ass ever since they were fifteen years old... So in my time here in Europe I’ve made it my goal not only to climb as hard as I possibly can and be something... But also to share every bit of information I have acquired from competing here in Europe and pass it on to the juniors that actually stand a fighting chance in these large-scale international competitions.

     So...instead of walking you through my performance in the Munich World Championships, I’d rather walk you through my experience of participating in this season’s World Cups and spell it out exactly how it is... at least from my perspective; Here are the things I’ve come to know and value about competing internationally. The epiphanies of my inexperience and the lessons I will carry while training for next season.

Women's 4, Munich: Photo Wolfgang Kendler

    You will spend an entire year training for competitions, in which you will climb for no longer than 25 minutes at a time. More like 20 minutes actually, when you factor in time spent sequencing and falling on your ass. A maximum of Twenty minutes climbing to be something, so you better bring your A-game. Although the format is the same as many Tour de bloc Finals, these competitions cannot be compared.The feeling is so incredibly different...
     You will walk out onto a foreign mat and turn around to face a wall with unrecognizable holds, alien features and unreadable sequences. You’ll triple guess your sequencing because (this is in my opinion of course): a) 70% of the time the problems are sequence intensive and tricky as hell... you’ll think there is more than one way, but the best way is the only way and it is horribly unclear. b) you’ve never seen a hold, feature or wall like this in your life. c) The problems are circus tricks. Scary sideways slab lunges,  Drive by dynos... or Alex Puccio throws on ‘holds’  that resemble crimps but are actually just friction pads pasted to features.

     Nothing will be what you expected and what you have trained for... Half of being a world cup competitor is knowing how to catch a curve ball. so how do you prep for this sort of thing!? I’m still trying to figure that out... 

Women's 1, Innsbruck: Photo Sytse van Slooten

So I guess you’ll just have to stay tuned!

Big thanks to everyone who continues to support my dream of competing in World Cups.. Friend and Family, your support means the world to me. Sponsors, I couldn't be where I am without you, so thank you!

Evolv
Flashed
Calgary Climbing Center
Glow Health Calgary

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Jelisa Dunbar

A Glimmer of Light: Magic Wood Monsoon

   

     8 hippies huddle under a leaking tarp, plucking away on a twangy out of tune ukulele, singing the blues. The two blonde dread heads weave the frayed ends of their locks back into place. Puffs of smoke linger low, weighed down by the moisture in the air as a single cup of coffee makes its rounds. Georg, a good friend who has spent the last four months working at the Bohdi campground educates us on the area. "The local farmers have had a terrible yield this year because of all the rain," he says "the best crops come from the prison in Thusis, where mental patients and criminals garden under supervision."

     The boys pass time cheerfully by cooking delicacies over the camping stove. First was about 6 batches of cayenne french fries, next... bread in a pan! Our little tarp community had grown every day, especially on this day with such homey kitchen smells rising into the air.

     Wet & wetter ist das wetter. Yep, the German word for Weather is "wetter." Hah, funny right? One week of endless rain and even the forest's driest caves were seeping. All my high hopes were washed away with the monsoon that struck Magic Wood. Coming down from the mountain for groceries, you'd almost forget that the season was summer... that the sun in fact existed.
     All this 'serious' cooking keeps distracting me from my story. The bread is no longer bread, it is a pizza! Who on earth cooks handmade pizza over a gas cooker in the rain in switzerland!?
     In the 1.5 hour gaps between showers I would trudge around the forest looking for dry boulders, or at the very least, something climbable. Alas! I found a 3/4 dry project! I remembered goofing around on the topout of this line last year but being much to weak for the powerful roof moves between pinches at the beginning of the climb. The thing about roofs is they are almost always dry....ish! There was only one thing left to do... fetch a climbing partner!

     Remy and I huddled under Exclusive's roof. He tried to brush away the moisture as I carefully propped our pads so they wouldn't slide down the steep terrain surrounding the boulder. Somehow, with slimy holds and raw tips, we found joy experimenting with heel toe cams and trying to pull our behinds off the pads. When your hands keep blowing off crimps, you can only get angry so many times before it becomes hilarious. Before you just have to make the best out of a horse-s&*! situation. Climbing in the rain felt as ridiculous as cooking hand made pizza in the rain.
     Remy's first fall was scary. He landed hard on the pad causing it to lose traction with the earth. He rode the crashpad down the steep and muddy terrain until the pad wedged itself  against a rock and ejected it's passenger. I watched in horror... my biggest fear has always been falling.
     I stopped trying the problem after this and we went home once Remy had a couple more burns. Having learned from his previous fall, I positioned myself straddled between two rocks praying to God that I wouldn't have to break his fall should he fall hard again. Anyone up for a game of human dominos?? The forest didn't reply.... it was empty.
     The next day it hadn't rained for five whole hours! Five hours!! Conditions were on! Remy patted down the finishing jug on the top out, laughing sarcastically under his breath as he said " it's dry!" in the most convincing tone he could muster. What really happened though, as he patted the topout jug, was the birth of a death trap. A floury, pasty, slick and slimy death trap.
     "Maybe I'll just finish there..." Remy pointed to the last dry hold underneath the lip of the juggy mantle.
     "Good plan!" I encouraged him, having remembered the mantle, though easy, to be extremely dangerous if one were to fall. You'd essentially fall down a miniature cliff if you popped off on the last move. "It's not worth it in these conditions Remy, it's maybe a 6a mantle at most..." I reassured him.
     Remy pulled on first try that day and breezed through the cruxy roof section. Then, he sticks the last dry jug which we had deemed to be our finish hold. Woohoo congratulations Remy! NOPE! JUST KIDDING!
     Remy hucked for the jug around the lip. It's an easy move so I guess I vaguely understand why he did it. He latched the death trap, his foot popped, his hand BLEW and Remy was falling. I think life slows down slightly during an adrenaline rush. I watched as if it happened in slow motion. He swung out over the mini cliff and did a pirouette in the air. Dodging the rock, he fell about ten feet landing in a crouched froggy position on all fours. He absorbed the fall by springing overhead into a somersault where he did another 180 degree spin on his back like a turtle...ending up closer to the river than the boulder problem.
     He picked himself off the ground and escaped without a scratch. I just about started crying but he shrugged it off and compared it to a downhill biking fall. "Falling is part of the sport" he said " you ready to try? Apart from dialling the first move, I didn't try the problem that day...

Gearing up for one last rainy attempt

     The next day we were leaving. Completely fed up with the cards we had been dealt, we packed up camp in the morning's rain before wandering out to the woods for one last burn. I was determined to leave Magic Wood with a send... even if I had to make my own version of a send up. I wanted to leave feeling I had accomplished something that I hadn't already done in that forest, something I could be proud of...I officially cut out the death trap calk-paste jug that Remy had flung off the day before."I'll call it Exclusi, short for Exclusive" I joked "and downgrade it to 7a+!  First female 3/4 ascent!"
     And so I did just that. I climbed Exclusi to the safest point in the given conditions and left happy. Of course it doesn't really count because I couldn't do the mantle, but what counted to me was reaching my pre-set goal of a finish hold. What counted for me was pulling smoothly through moves I could barely hang off last year. For me, that was something to be proud of... My sliced and diced rainy send with good friends in Magic wood.

Playing with the roof beta on Exclusive,  Photo: Jeremy Koyman

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Jelisa Dunbar

I wish I may I wish I might, have the courage, my fears to fight.

     I wish I could climb without fear. For me, on every climb my mind is consumed with an irrational fear of falling. Will I deck? How far will I fall? Will it hurt? Will my leg get tangled in the rope mid fall and burn half my calf off? Seems kind of funny... I know, for someone who has been climbing for 15 years to still be afraid of something as inevitable as falling. But It’s true. 

     It’s a bit embarrassing to talk about actually, because I don’t like to appear as weak.... especially to the people I coach, the people I look up to and the people I compete against. Hah! Yet here I am writing a blog post about fear as a weakness... Why? Because I’m a firm believer that the easiest way to conquer fear is by talking about it. It’s like Psychology 101, after denial the first step is admitting you have a problem! Who knows, maybe some of my readers share my deep & dark scaredy-pants secret too.

     I want to be able to attack routes and climb them without hesitation or restraint, but instead my first attempts often go something like this: Nervously and carefully climb to clip 1, take a deep breath, shake out and try to keep my cool. Clip 2 is my least favorite clip...I always think I am going to deck. Unless it’s a jug haul or a crimp haven, I hesitate. Sometimes I stretch myself as far as I can to see, if by some miracle, I can possibly reach the next bolt from within my comfort zone. Flail. Stress. Freak. Take. Cry. Lower. Fume. Wonder... What the hell is wrong with me and why do I even climb!?

I am at an inner war with myself after this cycle. “The route isn’t even that hard!” I’ll tell myself. “But the clip is a bit hard to make, the holds aren’t that good...” Sending angel on my left shoulder, Devil on the right. 

     So, do you know what I did last weekend? After my horrible fear-infested first attempt on Tango, 12a, I top roped the same line five times. FIVE times! Normally I feel like a spayed dog wearing a cone around her head with her tail tucked between her legs when I top rope. It is the utter state of embarrassment for me because it clearly displays that I am too afraid to climb the route properly. But last weekend, the only person I had to display my weakness to was Wolf. I didn’t have to impress him....and I didn’t feel like I had to impress myself either. After a month of plastic training for the Munich world cup and a shitty two weeks spent recovering from the plague, should I have really expected to pull on rope feeling like a champ? 

     When people are scared their bodies hunch over and shrink into themselves. They become smaller, they breath more rapidly and their attitude shifts to defense mode. How the hell are you supposed to climb well in this physical state!? I was so fed up with feeling terrified on these entirely do-able but challenging moves ...and I just wanted to climb. So I did! I tucked my tail and I repeated the line. over and over again. I dialed every foot placement, every transition. I even smiled and had fun rocking the TR. 

typical freaked out Jelly clipping position, Kalymnos

     But even after everything was perfected I still didn’t feel like leading it... I wasn’t in a frame of mind where I could push myself mentally without breaking. Of course my decision was disappointing, but It took throwing the towel in this weekend to make me realize just how much work goes into mental preparation and how imperative it is for success, at least in my case.I can’t just blindly hop on a route without any mental preparation and expect to climb it fearlessly... even though I often climb in this way. Probably because I’ve watched so many amazing climbers never think twice about falling. They try their hardest on impressive grades, take huge whippers and shrug it off like it’s nothing. I should be like them too! But when I suck it up and try to be tough I usually end up beating myself up about it when I don’t meet my expectations of a fearless, confident and strong performance. 

     So I’ve spent the last couple days thinking about this issue. Here’s what I’ve come up with. I’m not like other climbers... I’m like me. And I am afraid. I’ve been climbing almost my entire life rehearsing sequences and visualizing success for the send when all along fear has been the real culprit. Fear kicks me off the wall ten times more often than any other slip up and I guess I’m just starting to admit that now... Next... on to stage 3! 

Denial. Admitting.Coping

Ps. If anyone has experiences or advice on how they cope with their fears when climbing, please comment below! I'd love to read about them!

Thanks as always to my amazing sponsors for supporting a scaredy-cat!

Evolv

Flashed Climbing

Calgary Climbing Center

Feeling happy at the Tavern Crag in Lilienfeld

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Jelisa Dunbar

World Cup Amateurs: .Ready.Set.Start.

     When you think of World Cups you think of people like Anna Stöhr, Sean McColl...Shauna Coxey. At least I do. These are the faces behind Udo Neumann’s lens, the prodigies that keep us sweaty palmed and clenching bleachers as we endure the excitement of finals. These are the inspirational athletes that we aspire to be like. 

    

Anna Stöhr, Mammut Image

Sometimes in isolation... I not-so secretly spy on Shauna Coxey and Akiyo Nogguci during their warm up and steal their boulder problems to get a taste of their raw talent. Great comp strategy, I know... projecting the individual moves of Puccio’s warm up does wonders for the headspace. Not! But I simply can’t resist my curiosity... how strong are they!? 

     Judge me if you must, but I’ve made a daily habit out of stretching on my living room floor, watching IFSC replays. I hate stretching, but I like climbing videos.... and watching Akiyo Nogguci manage the splits, somehow in every finals round, is the only thing that truly motivates me to increase flexibility. Nonetheless, It’s a pretty consistent crew in finals with the athletes we respect and recognize to be the best. They are, after all, the best!!

Flexible Akiyo

    But some 20 - 30 spots below the semi finals cut off line is a pool of athletes... that’s where I find my name! Somewhere amongst the amateurs. Over the past year my name has slowly been creeping up the bottom of this list. Starting from 2nd last ... to 10th last... slowly inching up towards the semi-final cut off. To be honest though, I’ve grown skeptical about the saying ‘you have to start somewhere’. I’m not sure if I know where somewhere is? I’ve been trying to do my history on some of these athletes to find where their somewhere was and honestly... I’m not convinced they started anywhere but on top.

     So I guess my somewhere has become World Cups. I try to take away as much as I can from every competition and study the strengths of these tremendously successful athletes. I watch the competitors that hover around the semi finals marker intently and try to learn what it takes for them to break through. My experiences have taught me a lot about why I enjoy competing, even though my rankings aren’t where I’d like them to be. I’ve adopted a sort of ‘projecting’ mentality to reach my goal of making it into semi finals at a European World Cup. It’s going to take a lot more failure and some thick skin to reach this goal, but it’ important for me to prove to myself that I can do it!

So, if your curious what ‘amateurs’ are doing at World Cups, check out the video I put together after competing in Innsbruck and Grindelwald.

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Jelisa Dunbar

Community Matters

Knut Rokne

     There is a radiant belly laugh that echoes between the walls of the Calgary Climbing Center . Wondering who this conspicuous noise is coming from? If you poke your head around the corner you will see a man decked out in a flamboyant suit, usually pink or purple, sipping Tim Hortons coffee. In the blink of an eye his teasing grin melts into seriousness and it is time to get to work. His name is Knut Rokne and he is the head coach of the Calgary Climbing Center's junior programs.

     Last weekend, from the opposite end of the climbing hall in Vienna, I heard that same radiant and outrageous laugh. I chuckled to myself because, for the first time in a long time, it felt like home. Knut’s presence as a coach never fades, even outside of coaching hours... hell, even at a climbing gym on another continent! People perform their best in front of him... always. Even after working as his assistant coach for 3 years on C-Team, I  still smarten up my attempts when I know he is within sight. 

     So... when I stepped on to the steep problem at Boulderbar last weekend in the presence of Knut, I felt something I have never felt here in Vienna. Pressure to climb ‘well’. Knut does not tolerate sloppy climbing. I’ve seen him rip kids off the wall mid-climb for messy footwork, for not engaging their core and for failure to generate momentum from the hips. Knut is ruthless when it comes to form and for the first time ever at Boulder Bar, I was actually nervous to step foot on the wall. I knew someone would be closely watching my climbing.

Vikki, Knut & Jelisa at 2007 Youth Lead Champs, Ecuador

     You have to know, the setting here at Boulderbar has a distinct powerful style. The head setter is so strong that he can forerun nearly everything in his runners and can campus up to 7c!  His immense strength casts a shadow which many local climbers try to live up to... and many of them do! Different styles, different setters and different gyms present different challenges. As a result of this, here at Boulder bar when your foot pops off and you manage stay on the wall, it is regarded as ‘cool’ and not necessarily ‘sloppy or disengaged’. I think this is a great mentality for training power, but with Knut the technician lurking in the gym I could feel the focus of my attempts shift toward climbing in good form, rather than burling my way through the powerful moves ahead of me.   

     I stepped on the wall, drove my left knee down into a high-tension drop knee and attempted to stick the steep cross move to the pinch. ‘POP’ went my foot and I was quick to peel off the holds. I whipped my head around and there was the smile. The ‘ I know exactly what you did wrong but I really enjoyed watching your efforts, lets face it... we both know you could do better and here’s how’ grin. God I missed that grin. GOD I miss being coached.  

Athlete Kelly Drager and Coach Bonar McCallum at the Hive

     We chatted. He coached, I listened. Which got me thinking; There are few people in the climbing scene that can accurately and utterly dismantle movement. Knut Rokne, Bonar McCallum and Sam Tucker are some of Calgary’s best at deciphering movement. In my 15 years of climbing I have had the pleasure to learn from all three of these talented coaches. Every time you step off the wall there is a correction that can be made. Everything you do always has room for improvement. There is no such thing a perfection, only striving for it. 

     

Sam Tucker pulling hard at TDB finals, CCC

It wasn’t until Knut started picking apart the movements of surrounding climbers that I realized how far I had drifted away from this study. “He should be using a toe” Knut murmured under his breath only moments before climber ‘x’ flung off the wall.  A coach uncovers the tools you need to succeed. I can’t count how many times Bonar has made me retry moves over and over again with slight alterations until everything aligns for the stick. To me, the ability to understand movement so completely is the difference between a good coach and a great coach. A good climber and a great climber. 

Coaching C-Team at 2010 Youth Nartionals, Quebec

     There are no junior programs and no adult programs at the gym where I currently climb. There are no coaches amidst boulder sessions or juniors stiffening up in wiser climbers’ presence. There are no ‘I know exactly what you did wrong but I really enjoyed watching your efforts, lets face it... we both know you could do better and here’s how’ grins. In the midst of reminiscing I realized something; The sense of community at the Calgary Climbing Center is astonishing. We have approximately 16-20 practicing coaches and plenty of retired coaches. On top of that there are loads of experienced climbers like Simon Villeneuve and Etienne Poirier that can rip your form and technique to shreds. In fact, last summer, Etienne played a

Little Jelisa climbing at the CCC on the beloved A frame!

tremendous role in my psychological and power training while I was preparing to compete in the 2013 Munich Boulder World Cup Championships. 

     Sometimes it takes traveling far away to realize really how good you have it at home. I have visited plenty of gyms throughout my travels and I do not say it lightly that, the CCC has some of the best youth and adult programs I have ever seen. Period. In what other gym could I be a sponsored athlete with free coaching and access to physiotherapy, chiropractic and dieticians? In what other world could I walk in for a boulder sesh and have former juniors come up to me and criticize my form? Holy S*** have I ever taken this for granted. The Calgary Climbing Center has an extraordinary community and amazing resources to improve your climbing. If you aren't already, get involved in your gyms community! Help it grow. I know I will be investing efforts over here at Boulderbar to help grow and develop this young gym. There are several strong gym communities across Canada, so make sure you don’t take yours for granted!

     Also, a big shout out to everyone that bothers to read my blog :) I really appreciate you taking the time to read my thoughts, experiences and adventures! And of course, thanks to my sponsors for supporting me so much with my climbing dreams:

Evolv

Calgary Climbing Center

Flashed 

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Jelisa Dunbar

You are What you Eat

        Wolf told me that two weeks from now we will be headed home to his parents farm to kill the chickens. About 20 of them, Tijan does it with a pocket knife, it is supposed to be a quick death. My job will be to pull out their feathers and luckily, escape without any blood on my hands. Once plucked and ‘prepared’ the chickens are frozen to feed our family for the next six months.

        Originally when Wolf asked me if I wanted to kill a chicken, I told him I No... and asked “ how do you pick which one to kill?” He had this strange look in his eye when he explained “All of them die. Everyone helps out, even Jules. You can pluck the feathers with her.”I didn’t realize that all the chickens had to die on the same day. The silly city girl in me just assumed that when you live on a farm and you need a chicken, you just go out and kill one. One at a time. Day by day. But I guess it makes more sense for everyone to help out and to get this deed over with quickly.

        This will be a mass chicken murder. I’m sad, scared and nervous to be a part of this day. Wolf keeps telling me I shouldn’t be eating meat if I’ve never experienced the ache of taking away an animals life. The European mentality is not plastic wrapped and picked up in the deli department like at home, it is real and it is agony. 

Jules and Tijan helping out in the kitchen

        So I guess in two weeks I will have my first real Thanksgiving... Ever. Usually on Thanksgiving in Canada, my family takes turns to say who and what they are thankful for before we eat. I don’t ever remember thanking the Turkey or the people who killed it for me.

        I’m not preaching vegetarianism, I eat meat, but I am preaching reality. It is something I have ignored for a very long time. The next time you pick up that clean cut chicken breast perfectly wrapped and laid out from behind the butchers counter...I challenge you to say thank you. Maybe even to the butcher. Thank you Chickens, may you rest in peace.

Ernie Kendler (Mama) cooking a christmas dinner last year

A taste of Kremstal

Located one hour northwest of Vienna, there is a petite climbing area called Kremstal. Overlooking castles and Vinyards, the unique black rock has features similar to sandstone but hard to the touch. Lots of unique mantles and stunning features. Highballs, roofs, traverses, mantles... and a ton of fun! Check out this little video I put together after our day in the woods! Also - enjoy listening to the wicked track that Wolf's sister, Julia Kendler recorded! German reggae is surely unique! 

A Step in the Right Direction Starts with the Feet, Right? ( or Left)

My jaw is still hanging in awe after watching the semifinalists in the Grindelwald World Cup this morning. These climbers need to be on their game, 100% of the time... and that’s exactly what it takes to succeed as a World Cup climber. Sean McColl explains that “ World Cup problems aren’t actually thaaat much harder than the problems we see at Canadian Nationals. Many of the problems are probably around a V6 or V7 level.” He continues, “The true challenge lies in whether you can do every V6 in the world, in any style, in any environment in under 5 minutes?” He laughs, “I know I can’t!” 

The funny thing is, Sean was right. After climbing yesterday in the qualification round I was shocked to come out and flash problem 1. Although I didn’t make it to the top of any other problems, I came quite close on one and tagged 3 bonuses. The problems weren’t impossible...even for normal people and normal climbers like myself. What seems impossible though, is the ability to execute these problems in 5 minutes time. Even more difficult and more important... to flash these problems. 

I don’t know the recipe for success yet, but I definitely tasted some of the ingredients this weekend. “You just had to trust your feet and stand up on them” said Sean when I asked him what went wrong on problem 2. I thought that would be his answer.... but I didn’t really want to hear it. In general, I have been finding the footwork here in Europe much more challenging than back at home. So many obscure features, hooks, smears and teeny tiny footholds. I remember my immediate thought after the Munich World Cup last year was “wow... I really need to learn how to use my feet on features!” So I dabbled with tricky foot sequences for a little bit but eventually grew bored and moved on. I can’t say I was surprised yesterday when I ran into tricky foot sequences and many footholds that were either a) features or b)dual textured pieces of S$&T! I sort of had to laugh at myself for not working on these things when I knew I should have. I’m that kid who doesn’t want to eat their broccoli!

       Today I watched the semi finalists and finalists use their feet as if they were another set of hands. I stood there in utter amazement at the number of sequences they could come up with and the subtleties in each of their attempts. While my feet are often an accessory, theirs are necessity. Just look at what they can do and have to do with their feet (moreover... legs) to solve these problems! So... In conclusion, I'm inspired yet again to train funky footwork. Aren't you?? ( You will be once you scroll down:)